Dreams

I have these dreams. Coffee shop in Indianapolis, big-time editor in New York, living close to the people I love, big city adventures, being a mom, having a career... I don't know what to pursue. I don't know what to let die. I don't know if they can all fit together, perfectly aligned. Or if something has to be put aside. I don't know what will disappoint people. I don't know what will disappoint me. I have these dreams... And I'm not sure which direction to head in. But I'm going one day at a time, waiting for the next step to pop up, trying to remember that I don't have to have the next 60 years all planned out. (Hey- isn't that crazy? I have 60-ish years to get stuff done, if all goes well!) I think I just made myself feel a little bit better...

I'm cookie dough

"I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming who ever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day, I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eat m- or enjoy warm, delicious, cookie me, then that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done."- Okay, Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a little dated and sometimes cheesy. But still wonderful and full of good quotes, AND- Joss Whedon. Also this quote pertains to me a lot, except I'm not the Slayer.

Ohio: The Update

So I've avoided updating for quite a while... Mostly because I haven't felt like I had anything worth updating about. Since I last blogged, I've mostly been working and watching TV. I read occasionally (just finished the first Game of Thrones book)... And I've been doing a lot of... transitioning. For me, this means wallowing, going through rather moody patches, and just generally being unpleasant. But hey- it's a process. And after about two months, I am starting to feel slightly settled.

This doesn't mean I'm not still thinking of Indy with great longing. But I am hating being here less (though I'm very doubtful about changing my mind and staying here longer- haha).

In thinking about it, I've actually done quite a bit since I last blogged- so a quick recap:

-On Easter, I traveled down to Wilmore to visit friends before they all graduated and left. Got to help Meredith set up her beautiful senior show (who knew how much work being an art major was?!)

-Then drove up to Indy to visit Pat and Laura and see Les Mis with them, which was such a great show!

-Got my first, on my own apartment. Set up electricity in my name for the first time (ick- growing up!)

-Have now visited both Canton and Akron (the Akron mall is a pretty good one, plus there's an Earth Fare nearby to tempt me to eat healthy)

-Bought and reread "The Hunger Games." Upon rereading, my verdict is this: very compelling plot, believable characters, but not particularly well-written. But it's an adolescent lit book, so I'll forgive it. Like Susanne Collins was holding her breath over this one... Also, I've seen the Hunger Games twice in theaters. Can I just say how much I loved it? The casting was spot-on, and while some details may not have been perfect, it was a pretty great on-screen adaptation.

-Turned 24 recently. I'm now in my mid-twenties. Not sure I like the feeling much... But I got to spend the day in Lima with my parents and sister. It made me realize (yet again) how lucky I am to just ENJOY my family. They are really great people.

-Dyed my hair DARK. It's near-black, but my reds can still show through. I'm loving it, a lot. Also recently got my hair cut even shorter. While I miss my long hair, I'm realizing that short hair is my best hair. Maybe someday, I'll grow it out again, but I'm having some fun with it at this length... except for the bit in the back that's recently decided it loves sticking straight out. Awesome.

-Recently started attending Newpointe Community Church in Dover. Well, I've gone twice anyways. I'm really enjoying it, and I just signed up for a small group there for the month of June; I'm really looking forward to what God can teach me through it.

Can't think of anything else exciting, but making this list has helped me realize that I've done more here than I thought I had!

Buckeyes, Bengals, Bearcats, and Browns.... Oh my.

Well, I've officially moved. If this is the first time you're hearing about it, don't worry. It was a pretty sudden thing. So let me walk you through this...

First, I was working at a restaurant in Zionsville. Loved the people I worked with... well, almost all of them. One in particular made it really hard to be around, so I decided I needed a new job. My dear friend Laura knew a woman who worked in a dentist's office and needed someone to come be a receptionist. So I did. But all the time, I kept feeling like... this isn't it. And what kept popping up in my head was this coffee shop my uncle had told me about out in Ohio.

So I found out the email address of the man who owns the coffee shop, and I emailed him. And I waited for a week, hearing nothing back. I prayed one morning- Okay, God. I guess this wasn't it, either. Well, whatever the next step is, show me. And that day, the man called me. He said I should come out and take a look at it, see what I think... and I did. That weekend, my mom and I drove out to Millersburg, Ohio...

I have to admit, I was very grumpy this weekend. Mostly because I already knew I'd be moving, and it's in the country, and I rather enjoy the city. Plus I'm a little tired of moving around at this point. But I sat and talked to this guy, Martin... and heard myself telling him yes, I'd return to Indiana, give my employer my two-week's notice and head out to Ohio.

So let me explain a little about the coffee shop that made me move several hundred miles away... again. Martin was a pastor and he felt like God was giving him a vision to open a coffee shop in order to reach people who wouldn't feel comfortable in a church setting. So he runs it as a non-profit and they have church here on Sunday mornings and stuff. And it's basically this cute little place where people can come in and eat and drink coffee and sit on the internet (like I am now)... and sometimes, they can talk to someone about Jesus.

Now let me talk to you about my "big dream." Ever since working at a coffee shop early in college (Smokey Row), I've loved the idea of one day having my own place. Of course, I always thought it'd be second career or something. I like the atmosphere of a coffee shop and I love the idea of ministry. So when I heard about this, I thought- cool. Two things I like in one. And then Martin (the man who runs the place, called Jitters, by the way) said that he would be willing to work with me and teach me to open my own place, giving me the tools and knowledge I would need to run a coffee shop of my own.

How this will look: I have no idea. I committed at least a year out here to work and to learn. I would loooove to head back to Indy eventually. And by eventually, I mean in a year. But we all know how plans go... especially in my life. So basically... I don't know when this will happen, or how it will happen, or where it will happen. But I'm being equipped in the next year to make it happen. Which is pretty cool, I think.

Your prayers would be appreciated as I embark on this adventure. I'm already in Ohio, living currently with a girl a year older than me who manages Jitters; I am planning on getting my own place at some point. I'm sad about leaving Zionsville, I really really loved Indianapolis. I'm sad about being further away from my family (though it's not as far away as Kentucky was)... and I'm getting pretty tired of moving. I'm ready to have a place to call "home." Jesus and I are talking, and I'm trying to convince him it should be Indy... but we'll see... :)

(This =/= me... I'm missing my Hoosier state, for sure!)

The Super-grump

"Sometimes it doesn’t hit me until I see the sky. Like, a lot of the sky. Most of the time, I actually just forget to look up. But walking back from the A train the other day, I remembered, and for a block or so, between buildings, I could see a sizable chunk of sky– clouds and everything. And I realized that I’d been thinking about deadlines and whether or not she meant to sound so irritated when she said that in the meeting and, of course, dinner. But then, when I looked at the sky, I was suddenly thinking about how perfect it is, to be alive. Being alive is this crazy, ridiculous, utterly ordinary gift. You were given it. Make sure you look at the sky." - Eat the Damn Cake This is something I need to remember way more often. Especially lately. I've been so crazy busy, what with 3 jobs and a general disatisfaction of life... that I forget that- wow, I really have a lot going for me. And by "a lot" I mean "everything." If I took the time I spent worrying or working or grumping around to remember all the people I love and who love me back, and all the blessings I have received, even recently- I would never be grumpy. Except in the mornings... right before coffee...