Confession of Sin

Almighty and Changeless Father,
Under the conviction of your Spirit we learn that the more we do, the worse we are; the more we know, the greater our foolishness becomes obvious, the more holiness we have, the more sinful we are revealed to be, the more we love, the more we love the wrong things. How little we love your truth and your ways! We neglect prayer by thinking we have prayed enough, by being proud that we have done only what we should have done, and needed to do. Grant that we might not be evangelical hypocrites, who sin in safety because grace abounds, who tell our lusts that Christ's blood permits them, who have no fear of God because of our salvation, who love evangelical preaching, churches, and Christians but who hate holiness. We are like buckets without bottoms, with no means to hold understanding of spiritual things, always learning at the gospel-well, but never holding water. Our consciences are without conviction, with nothing to repent of. Our wills are without power of decision or resolution. Our hearts are without affection. Give us broken hearts, that they might be filled with the water of grace, and the glory of our Redeemer.

-Arthur Bennett

I used to love running.
Okay, that is not true. Let's try again:
I used to run.
There. That was true. I used to run quite a bit, actually, for track several years ago (7, but who's counting?). I quit track my sophomore year of high school and haven't looked back.
I had several half-hearted attempts at getting back into it throughout college. I discovered treadmills took away the pain of the freezing cold of winter. I got new running shoes (only because there was a sale and my pair was really, really old). I swore to my roommates that THIS SEMESTER- this was it. We would... WORK OUT. And be good and stuff.
Yeah, didn't happen.
But in the back of my mind, I always told myself I'd start running after college. Maybe start doing 5ks and road races and stuff, you know, for fun.
Well. I graduated 13 days ago, and today on my way back to the house after work, I decided today was as good a day as any. Actually, it was better considering it has warmed up considerably.
So I did. I ran. Sort of. I jogged... and walked... and then... I swallowed a bug.

To say the least, it was a less than auspicious beginning.

I miss all of these girls

Sorry for the distinct lack of blog lately, it's been a crazy past few weeks.
To recap: Graduation. I finished up finals on Thursday morning (ending with a lovely one for Shakespeare by the fabulous Dr. Dan Strait), worked on packing up (did more whining than packing), and then began all the graduation festivities. Friday had graduation practice (during which my roommate, Joy, and I played I-spy via text) and my family came down in time for Baccalaureate. Saturday rolled around (after a late night of senior pranking), and I checked my email around 9am for the expected email... to no avail. So I went off and graduated (yay, hooray!)
After graduation came more packing, loading, maneuvering, goodbye-ing, hugging, coffee drinking, and driving home (for what I thought would be all summer). I made it home at the point where I had begun to... well, not hallucinate, but definitely imagine things that were not actually true (I had very little sleep that week, to be fair...)
Sunday morning, I slept in. I woke up and decided to check my email, and- there it was! Three beautiful emails about how I had a summer job. Sent on Saturday, one hour before graduation. So I had a job- in Indy. Wherever would I live?!
A few quick calls... and I found out the position will be somewhere in the northwest-ish part of Indy... Quite fortuitously, my aunt lives in Zionsville, connected me with her pastor and his wife and BAM- a place to live for the summer.
PLUS I called the Banana Republic down there and they're hiring, so I applied for an evening/weekend job.

God is so good. And getting a summer job, a place to live, and some much needed rest has made the past few days pretty cool.

Ten

There are ten days between me and a Bachelor of Arts degree. From wearing a silly gown and a ridiculous hat. From walking across a stage, hoping I don't trip in front of everyone, receiving a book that's actually empty (the actual diploma will come in the mail later). Ten days until my apartment- my home- is packed up, stripped of decorations, knick knacks, and memories. Ten days until I drive to Indiana (at least for the summer). Ten days until I'm a college grad (I am already one-- but this time, I'm not going back. At least not for a while).

I honestly can't find words to express how this feels. I am so excited. And so scared. I have no idea what my future holds. Even in ten days, I'm not sure what I'll be doing. I am waiting back to hear about a summer job. I am hoping I get an email about an interview for a job in August. But it's all so tentative. If these things don't work out-- I have no plan. Even them working out is terrifying. It means a huge move (across an ocean and everything)...

Gah. I really don't know how to put what is going on in my mind. I guess this feeling is pretty normal. But what I wouldn't give for some clarity and stability...

Psalm 3:5-6 -- Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Another article to read...

This stuff makes me so heavy hearted... Thanks, dude, for telling it like it is. Because more parents need to hear it.

I have a couple phone interviews coming up soon- Including the first round for the EPIK program (English Programs in Korea). Pray please. :)