I wrote this in my private blog as a sort of rant, then decided to change a bit and actually put it out there:
Today in class, a professor of mine talked about relationships. Namely, those in which people who once protested that they would never fall in love do, in fact, fall in love. He made a comment, which I'm sure he didn't mean it how it sounded, but that basically came to this: there are those girls (yes, he picked out girls in particular) that say they're complete by themselves. As though those silly, progressive, independent women were so cocky as to think they didn't need a man.
Here's the thing. I'm not progressive. In fact, I'm pretty darn conservative. I'm old-fashioned. I like the idea of a man. However, this does not mean that I "need" one. I don't need to be completed. God didn't create me to be half a person, doomed to walk the earth, searching for my perfect puzzle-piece-match to complete me. I am a whole, completed by God, not by a man. Complimented, yes! Completed, no.
People tell me all the time "don't worry, you'll find someone." Let me tell you about this "encouragement." It. Doesn't. Encourage. In fact, it tends to bring up something that I wasn't particularly worried about at that moment (this is not to say that it's never on my mind) and shoves it in my face. Wait- Don't worry? Should I have been worrying? Are YOU worrying? Now I'm worried that you're worried and think I should be, too.
It is possible that I may never get married. It just is. I am strong. Not strong-I-don't-need-anyone-I-can-do-anything-a-man-can. But I'm strong. Also, I feel a really strong pull on my heart towards a ministry that, honestly, might not be the safest environment for a marriage. So sometimes I do consider the idea that maybe I won't get married.
Sometimes, I tell myself I won't as a defense mechanism. If I don't believe it will happen, when it doesn't, I won't be disappointed, and if it does, I can be pleasantly surprised. But some people seem to take it upon themselves to point this out. To smirk, "knowingly," and tell me things like: Well, we'll see what happens when YOU fall in love.
Why do you say things like this? So that when/if I do find someone who compliments me, when/if I fall in love, you can say "I told you so"? Why would someone feel the need? I find it most unnecessary.
Don't try to "console" me in my singleness; don't try to rub it in my face when I fall in love. Just be content with me in my journey, and allow me to be content in it, too.
Abbi! Good thoughts - I feel like I should apologize for falling into the pseudo-encouragement at some point. I am so excited with where God is leading you in ministry and I can't wait to see how he uses you - single or not - for Him!ReplyDelete
at the reception "I'd like to propose a toast. *ahem... I told you so! *smirk"
:) A woman after my own heart- puttin' it out there like it is.ReplyDelete
You're the best. And I love you.