I'm in this

Hey, watch this.

Today I finished up my last two Dr. Vincent classes. Tomorrow will be the end of my Spanish adventure (Ole!) and Renaissance Literature. Next week brings three finals and a paper that is "no more than two pages" long.
And with that... My (second) senior year is halfway over.
One more semester!
Ole! (or... oy vey?)

When I get ahold of a good book, I devour it. It's like this force I cannot stop-- not even to eat or sleep. Why? Because I want to know how it ends. I never look at the last page first or anything like that, I appreciate the journey it takes to get to the conclusion, but man- I really really really want to know the ending.
This week I have thought a lot about my future. I'm graduating in about six months with a degree in English. Everyone who hears this automatically asks me if I want to teach. And no, I don't. I tried that route, it's not my thing. So what do I want to do with it? I haven't the foggiest idea. I like the idea of editing, I've even taken the time to look into some jobs in that area. This route would take me to a city- probably New York.
Then there's always the option of staying around Wilmore/Lexington, and trying to find a full-time job here, even if this option is just to help me get on my own two feet.
Then there's Chicago. It's a city I love, plus it's close to home.
There are so many different ways my life could turn out. In seven months, I could be.... anywhere. Absolutely anywhere.
And for the person who loves to know the endings of stories, it's killing me.

It's not a matter of not trusting God. I do. Or at least I'm learning. And every time I start to become too concerned, He always reminds me that he's got it under control. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to know. Just... wanting the conclusion. See how it all wraps up. See what state I'm living in, for heaven's sake!

I'm in the middle of the journey, and I can't see the end of the road for the life of me. And on days like today, it's a little bit frustrating. And exciting.

Yikes.

Mean ole' night owl

I am a night person.
What this means is that, no matter how much I've slept the night before or how little caffiene I've taken in, I will never feel quite as awake as I do at, say... 2am.
I can't help it.
My days and nights are all mixed up.
To all those who get smarmy little grins and say things like "When you get a REAL job, you'll learn...", No. No I won't. It's not a lack of learning, it just seems to be this biological thing. I've been like this for as long as I can remember. Nighttime feels like daytime to me.
Oh, the moon's out? Let's party. Please quit snoring.

A few new blogs I've discovered

The Frenemy
The girl's got a mouth on her, but hey, she's real, she's honest, she's not beating around any bushes. She's sassy, she's independent, she sounds like a heck of a lot of fun. While I might not share all of her views (as I happen to be a sort-of-conservative Christian), I enjoy the way in which she states them. Maybe what I'm saying is... I'd be friends with her. And I kind of wish I wrote this blog.

Skrinkering Hearts
I sort of like blogs that just tell life-stuff. I enjoy hearing other people's stories. It makes me realize that the people I pass on the sidewalk or in the mall are real people, with lives and everything. Maybe that sounds silly to you, but sometimes I forget this. And hearing stories, even average, everyday stories, reminds me- we're all just trying to survive, here.

Once Upon Stilettos
Random ideas pop into her head, she writes them. Whatver... it's just fun to read.

There's only so much effort you can put into a relationship going somewhere. Here's my problem: how much effort is "enough"? When can I throw up my hands and say "Well, I've tried!"? When does it stop being my problem, and start being the other person's?
Because... here's the thing... I feel like if this particular person wanted me in his or her life... he or she would do something to put me there. But maybe I'm wrong.

I have it good.
No- really. I have it really, really good.

My parents are here visiting me, as they do every year around Halloween.
I got to just sit and talk to them last night about life and all the things that were making me crazy... and they talked to me, prayed with me, and encouraged me. I feel relieved, lighter, and so thankful. I really have an amazing family.

My friends are also pretty awesome. I love spending time with them, or having phone/Skype dates when possible with those that are a little farther away.

It's the end of October and 66 degrees and sunny, and I love it. If it could be this warm all the time, I would be happy as a clam. I just can't get the hang of that winter stuff, despite growing up in the midwest.

I have a crazy work week this week- with three (sort of four) overnights, on top of my classes. In less than a week, I'll be putting in over 40 hours. Which stressed me out a lot, then I remembered that a) I like overnights and b) that's quite a bit of money- just in time for Christmas shopping!

So... though I'm one holiday ahead, that's some stuff I'm thankful for.

Happy Halloween.

Food For Thought

Not sure what exactly I think of everything said in this, but it certainly is interesting.

How to feed the world ? from Denis van Waerebeke on Vimeo.

A list of things that make me exceptionally happy:

- Getting exams over with
- Naps
- Coffee (and chai)
- Bacon
- Fuzzy blankets
- My roommates
- Silly pictures
- Sweatpants and sweatshirts
- Seeing items or hearing songs that have people I love associated with them





Also- Entirely unrelated thought: "Lean not on your own understanding." Just challenged the pants off me. About two seconds ago. I think I'll be realing for a while.

I always get so excited when I see that someone has posted a new blog... so I thought I'd post one, and maybe make someone else happy. I'm not sure what I have to say yet.

Last night, I worked at Banana Republic until 6 am. We put tons of stuff on sale, and it pretty much took that time to mark it all down. Which means.... Holiday stuff comes in soon! We've already got some jackets and sweaters and boots, but they are about to come in like ants at a picnic! I'm a summer person, mostly... but OH, do I love sweaters and hoodies and coffee and big, cozy comforters, and red and brown and yellow leaves... and apple cider! Fall is coming, slowly (we're scheduled for a nearly-ninety degree day this week!) but it's coming. Huzzah.

I heard a sermon the other day on the biblical view of women. He talked about the difference between what our culture tells us about ourselves versus what the Bible shows to be true, and he challenged us to fast for a week of all TV, movies, music, and magazines that project a wrong view of women. It's been really hard- I never really thought about how the television shows I watch show skewed versions of women, or how much music on the radio blasts wrong depictions of women, relationships, etc, at us.

School is back in full swing, and I'm enjoying it. I am rather ready to be done, though. Which brings up all those questions about the future. I am just as clueless about life after May as I was this summer...

Speaking of summer- I love seeing my summer roommates around campus- it makes me super happy. I just love them... AND I love my new roommates, Joy, Heather, and Meredith. They are just the cutest thing ever, and they're so sweet. I'm so blessed by the people I live with, just in encouragement and in a million different ways every day.

From an early age, we are taught the value of comparison. From homework assignments asking us "which circle is bigger?" to "which sentence is written correctly?" we have had ingrained in us the idea of comparison.
As we get a little older, we begin learning other things to compare- whose clothes are nicer, which backpack is cooler, and which classmate is more fun to play with on the playground.
The doozie hits in early adolescence-- Comparing attractiveness. She's prettier, and therefore, more favorable as a friend. He's cuter, so I'll have a crush on him. Comparisons teach us- how to behave, how to dress, how to be well-liked, and even who to avoid. With this so ingrained in us, we continue on in this fashion pretty much forever.
I've been thinking a lot about this recently. I've thought of many times in my life when I didn't know how to behave, so I watched others. I've thought of how I've justified by behaviors because I'm not as bad as they are. I've treated people differently based on their comparitive level of attractiveness. And I think if you're being really honest- so have you.
I've been trying to compare less recently- which is really hard, when we've all been trained to do it. But I need to remember that if I have to justify my actions because others are doing worse, I probably still shouldn't be acting like that, speaking like that, or whatever. If I don't know how to act or dress or something, I should do what I like to do, what I like to wear, etc. I should be comfortable in being myself, whether or not it's exactly how everybody else is doing things.
Anyways, take some time, evaluate how often you compare yourself and others. How often do you justify? How often do you take cues that don't matter at all? Think about it... act on it.

Things that have changed

I have all these grand aspirations of inspiring blogs, witty blogs, even mildly elloquent blogs... But instead, all that pops into my head are lists. I am a list maker by nature, so I guess... the list-blogs are what comes naturally. I do have a few deeper thoughts to go into at a later date... but not today. I'm sort of sleepy and don't have the wherewithal to be inspiring, witty, or elloquent. So I'm settling. And that, readers, means you will too.
So without further ado... a list of things that have changed since the last time I blogged.


- I have a new laptop. It's a little Asus notebook I've named Asa. It's tiny and I love it.
- Both my roommates have moved out... well, one has returned from England and THEN moved out, if we want to get technical. But they're both in their new apartment. I have four or five days until I move into my apartment for the school year, although I've already begun moving things over. I'm hoping it's a rather seamless transition come Saturday, moving only me and the last little bits left over.
- I have new things for our apartment! Like a toaster, and a silverware set, and a canister set for the counter... yay!
- I have done two more overnights at the Nanner. I really enjoy them, for I am a night person. And I really like the people I work with. I may have decided that I will continue to do overnights through the school year. I am taking such a small credit load, it may be possible to keep doing them.
- My sister goes to college for the first time this Saturday. It doesn't seem like she's really looking forward to it, but I think she'll be wonderful.
- Classes start in one week from today. Not particularly looking forward to this, to be honest... but it's the last school year, I think!
- New ideas for the future are rolling around in my head. I won't mention them, because I know at least one person will say to me (five years down the road) "But I thought you were going to *fill in the blank*" when really it was just an idea, and not an actual decision at all.
- I got bangs. I went home last weekend to see my family, and especially my sister. She and I decided to have a hair adventure, and the result is bangs for me. I like them, though they get in my eyes a lot.


See? Nothing insightful, and not much that is too interesting, either. But another change is coming, a final school year, and maybe when my brain gets working again, I will have some fascinating blogs for you.

Gah! It has been so long since I've blogged... or it seems that way to me. I have had all sorts of ideas for great posts, but none have come to fruition. This is because of my silly laptop, and its decision to have the battery be all but dead. The plug won't stay plugged in, so you have to hold it... which means typing one-handed, lest the computer die almost immediately.
So... a new laptop is in the works... at least, I've been saving up the last few paychecks in preparation... And when it comes, don't you worry- you'll be hit by a ton of new blog posts, all witty and full of inspiration. Or... you know, the normal weird stuff I come up with...

The past week or so has been pretty fun. I saw "Inception" which was amazing(^4328415), I got a manicure for the first time ever- just for fun. It lasted two whole days... don't think I'll be doing that again for a while. :) I've also deeply sunk into my obsession of two tv shows- Pushing Daises (adorable, much?!) and Criminal Minds. The minds of serial killers just fascinate me, I have no idea why.

Working at The Nanner has been fairly uneventful, and also kind of non-existent lately- boo. I did get some rad silly bands from my friend, Renee. I got a porcupine and a pipe wrench! Teehee.

I'm trying to quit spending nearly as much money as I have been, for two reasons. One- I need a new laptop. Mine is borderline geriatric by now... and Two- I've decided to get a tattoo. My sister is designing it, and I'm really looking forward to it. Maybe not the pain that may be involved, but the fun of having a tattoo. Yay!

Yesterday, Heather called me up and told me a man she works with has a niece or something that is looking into Asbury. She's from New York (the state, not the city), and was down to visit the school. He had asked Heather to come talk to her, and Heather asked me to come with her. We ended up taking her around the school, talking to her mother, telling them how much we love Asbury, and eating dinner with the family! It was a fantastic afternoon... and it made me realize how much I'm going to miss Asbury, and just being a college kid in general.

Life lately has been mostly uneventful. Working at the Nanner has been going well, though I didn't get many hours this week, sad.
One very exciting thing is that Kelsey is back! Yesterday, we all woke up early and drove to Cincinnati to pick her up at the airport. She had spent a couple weeks in Oregon with her family- but we are really happy to have her back!
I think I've decided to get a tattoo. I asked my sister to design it for me- it should be pretty sweet. However, with expenses mounting and school looming a mere month away, I am not sure exactly when I'll get it. Maybe Christmas break, maybe sooner, if I can afford it.
I finished watching through "How I Met Your Mother" and am now working on "Pushing Daisies." It's a super cute show, and inspires me to own a pie shop someday... then I remember what owning a pie shop would really be like - early mornings and probably grumpy customers- and I think... no, thanks.
Still don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I have ten months until graduation, and I just don't know. I keep reminding myself that I don't actually have to plan my whole life just yet... I just need "the next step." But I don't know what that will be either. Huh... stay tuned, I guess. :)

Affirmation

So the past few weeks have been fairly uneventful, mostly full of work (even a couple overnights at "The Nanner"). The lack of sleep had been a bit draining, though. And this week, when I've needed it most, several people have stepped up.

Susan, our GM told me that I was doing an awesome job at work, that I'm quick to pick things up, and that they have their eye on me.
Sam, another manager, told me she used me as an example to new hirees about how if you do well, you'll get more hours.
Jessica randomly gave me a call to say hey and left a really encouraging voicemail.
Friends have called and texted and just generally been the pick-me-up that I've needed.

Yay, friends! And yay, Jesus.

Viva Football!

So what's with the big stink about soccer? I don't think I've ever seen America more united on a subject than their apparent hatred of a single sport. Why soccer?

Is it perhaps because you can't push one easy button and have a dinner ready in three minutes? Or because there are no awesome car chase scenes or cars knocking helicopters out of the sky, Die Hard style? Perhaps it's the lack of apps to buy or flashing, colored lights... Maybe it's just because in this one area, America is not dominant. Or maybe it's like Glen Beck, a conservative talking head, says: “It doesn’t matter how you try to sell it to us. It doesn’t matter how many celebrities you get, it doesn’t matter how many bars open early, it doesn’t matter how many beer commercials they run, we don’t want the World Cup, we don’t like the World Cup, we don’t like soccer, we want nothing to do with it.”

Soccer is not a thrill-a-minute game with non-stop action and slam dunks and huge hulking men clashing helmets. It's a game that shows skill and a lifetime of dedication. I'm an American, and guess what-- I like soccer! (sorry, Beck. I'm not a part of your America) The second half of this blog will detail why I enjoy this sport...

Why I Like Soccer

-I like soccer because of the passion I see. Passion in the players, and in the fans.
-I like the unity brought around-- countries around the world close down stores and schools, and huddle around televisions to watch. Collective moans at a missed shot, cries of outrage at a perceived bad call, the excitement felt by so many... all over the world.
-It's one arena where it doesn't matter how big a country is, or how much money they have-- in the end, the best team wins. (Need I remind you of the USA-Slovenia game? Slovenia has the population roughly the size of Houston, Texas...and still gave the US a run for their money!)
-The commonality you suddenly share with someone when you discover you both are watching the World Cup. Or that you play soccer... and it doesn't matter what language you speak or anything!
-How silly things like vuvuzelas can create a buzz all around the world (teehee- pun completely intended)
-I've played soccer. Okay, I am no pro. But I played for about four years when I was younger, in a youth league. Stuff like that gets under your skin... And can create a love for a sport, especially when you know what it's like to play.


So come on, America. This world is so much bigger than you! Instead of whining about how exciting it isn't or completely trashing something you don't understand, join the rest of the world and learn something new. You might find you enjoy it.



Yeah, it's not all like this-- but things worth having are the things that are worked hard for!

Hot/ Not

So I've seen in many a magazine a column entitled "hot/not" and decided to make one myself based on the events of the past week or so...


HOT
Euchre and Poker with friends
Graduation Open Houses for little sisters
Working out and feeling really good
Ice cream from Ivanhoe's, two weekends in a row!
Lots of delicious food in general
WORLD CUP... and having ESPN for the summer!
Drinking tereré with my roommate Elisa
My roommate Kelsey, in general :)
A really good sermon on Sunday that applied to my life a lot


NOT
Driving four hours in rain so hard I could barely see
Picking up some sort of bug from my sister
Losing horribly at Euchre.

Overall, as you can see, the good has outweighed the bad- hooray! :)

Nothing

Nothing makes me more proud or feel more old than to see my baby sister cross the platform today to graduate from high school.

I have walked five hundred miles

New discovery: Audio Books
I drove 6 hours home the other night, and it felt so short! I usually listen to music and sing along and dance in the car, which is fun... But in listening to an audio book, I was not only driving home but "reading" a book I wanted to get done.

Realization: My sister is going to college.
This realization hit while I was putting some of my dorm room stuff into storage. I remember standing in an unfamiliar dorm room with all this new and unfamiliar stuff that was to become my home and... my things. Things that have stayed with me through four years, and have become more familiar than my parents' house now... And then it hit me that my little sister will be having this same experience soon. Ahh, the powers of a good egg-crate foam(which sparked this realization... and is comfy to sleep on).

Confession: I have never watched Star Wars.
None of them. Okay, maybe five minutes of one. And, to be honest, I'm okay with this. Though I realize this will probably change someday. But the conditions have to be right. That's all I'm saying...

It's my party, and I'll dance if I want to!

I'm 22! Hoorah!

Old Woman

In two days, I will be 22. Sounds like a crazy old age. I used to look at people that old and think "man, they're so old and experienced and know everything." Now I'm not so sure. Maybe my experience and life instruction book will arrive in CPO just in time for my birthday. Here's hoping.
I have blogged on and off for a long time, I have blogs scattered all across the internet. I thought that perhaps I should update to a new one. One to share with my friends and family, and to blog about silly things. Because isn't that what blogs are for?


A list of things that have made me particularly happy today:
- Seeing my dad. It's been since Spring Break, and even that wasn't for very long. We went to a steak house in Lexington and sat outside and ate steak. Really, can it get any better?
- Finishing another book! I'm tearing through them this summer, and I'm loving it! Tonight, I finished "The Picture of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde. It was fascinating, and I liked it a lot.
- My roommates, Kelsey and Elisa. They are wonderful girls, and I'm really loving getting to know them.
- Colormekatie... she's so fantastic and bubbly and happy. I wish she lived in my apartment complex or neighborhood.
- Lexington. I love cities. Especially in the summer time.
- Walking out on my (teeny) porch and seeing Garfunkel, the strange silver man who now guards our front door.
- Summer time in general. Freedom from classes and homework, liberty to read books I want to read, fun summer dresses, not eating big meals because it's just too hot... all wonderful, wonderful.